September 2009 began the worst couple years of my life. My wife of 16 years told me that she had an affair. To say that I was shocked would be an understatement.

I met God at a Christian camp at the age of 10 in an extremely powerful way. It permanently cemented my belief in Him, but without much guidance or follow-through, it became something I ran from for the next 11 years. In my late teens, I was heavily into alcohol, drugs, and girls. By the time I finally surrendered to God I had made a total mess of my life and left a wake of destruction for those around me.

The Bible says that those who are forgiven much love much. I have always been so aware of just how immense a debt I owe to God. We are all born sinners and we all continue to sin, but I felt like Paul when he said, “I was the chief of sinners.” Even now as a born-again, Spirit-filled follower of Christ I still commit adultery every day against God. My sins aren’t usually something people can see; but my selfishness, pride, greed, and idolatry are offenses to a Holy God. And He lavishly forgives me every second of every day.

So when my wife, with whom I made a covenant before God, came to me with a repentant heart and confessed her adultery to me, I honestly had no choice but to forgive her just as Christ forgave and continues to forgive me for adultery against Him. The thought of not extending forgiveness to her was to me a dangerous thing. The Bible clearly says that if we don’t forgive our brother their sins, our Father won’t forgive ours (Matthew 6:15). I forgave Sam for both her sake and mine.

I feel like two of the most dangerous and egregious things we can think or say when we see someone else fall into sin are “I can’t believe they did that!” or “I would never do that!” To me that is the sin of pride; thinking you are above committing certain sins. In my humble opinion, we are all capable of anything. Maybe we wouldn’t jump into adultery at the first chance we get, but sins like that are a result of small mistakes left unchecked that build upon each other until you’re in too deep to realize it. I’ve never committed adultery, but I know full well I’m capable of it and that is the very thing that keeps me safe. Knowing that I’m susceptible to it keeps me on my guard so that I don’t allow myself to get into a situation where it happens.

In addition to trying to extend the love and grace of God to Samantha, I knew that I needed to also forgive the guy who she had the affair with. Forgiving Sam was easier because she’s my wife and I’d loved her for almost 2 decades at that point. But with this guy who I’d known for just a couple years; I didn’t feel that I owed him anything, especially after what he’d done. Forgiving him was harder, but I was unsure if he was a Christian and I knew that I had to be Jesus to Him just as I would to anyone else. I had to love my enemy. It would have been easy to punch him, scream at him and tell him to where to go, but my life is not mine, it belongs to God. Again for my sake and as a witness of the gospel, I had to forgive.

With Samantha, I knew who she really was and I knew that this behavior wasn't her. I was fully aware of how she had given much ground to the enemy and that she was in the spiritual battle of her life. I had a strong belief that she would come out of this and emerge a stronger, better person. God allowed me to have a vision of her as she “would be” and I knew that she was worth waiting for.

To me love is not a feeling or an emotion. I always say that I could walk up to a total stranger on the street and love them for the rest of my life. Love is not about what the other person does or doesn’t do. Love is a choice and the series of big and little choices you make every day towards someone else.

I have fully forgiven my Wife; I don’t hold it over her or bring it up during an argument. There’s absolutely no point in doing so and there’s nothing a person can do to change the past.

I don’t want to make it sound like this was all a breeze for me. It wasn’t. Sam came to me the first time a line of friendship was crossed and confessed, but unbeknownst to me, she soon fell back into the affair and the next year and a half for me was spent in tears, anger, doubt, and confusion. But I knew that God was there with me every single step of the way. At the end of the day, all I did was hold on to God and not let go. There were days that felt like a hurricane was trying to take me out to sea to drown me, but God was holding me in safe harbor, not letting me go anywhere. I owe God my life and now I owe him my marriage. I could not have persevered on my own.

In the end, Sam came to me and told me everything that had happened beginning to end. The Bible says in James 5:16 says “….confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” It wasn’t until Sam fully confessed everything to me that our real healing began. The holding back of secrets doesn’t allow for true restoration to take place in a relationship, especially in a marriage where the two people are one.

The only reason Sam and I are still together after all of this is because while I was hanging on to God with all I had, she was not letting Him go either. She went astray, but God never gave up on her and she knew it. She wrestled with God too, but in different ways than I did. Her solid rock foundation kept her from completely crumbling and if it wasn’t for her devotion and dedication to God we wouldn’t have made it. It takes two people who are both willing to save a marriage.

I want to make it clear that I consider my Wife to be the Godliest woman I know. She is sold out to The Lord and I’ve never seen someone desire God’s will above her own so much. She grew tremendously in her faith and as a person through this and for that I am eternally grateful to God.

For 15 years we had what we thought was a near-perfect marriage, but as we look back we see the many cracks that we had in our foundation. Now, after 30 years of marriage we are closer and more in love than we ever were before. We’ve paid a high price, but have gained so much. And it’s all due to the unfailing love of God, who will take our brokenness and failures and turn them into something even better than we can imagine. He is good!

We want to say that we know everyone's story is different. This is just how ours went. No matter how yours end's up if you hang on to God & allow Him to have His way with your life, He will lavish His love on you and equip you with whatever you need for whatever He has next for you.